@fastfinge@interfree.caHarry Potter, grossness
Today's #fedidreams entry probably also qualifies for the #WeirdDream hashtag. I've got a bit of a cold that's been clinging on for weeks. I didn't want to take cold medicine again, so last night I dabbed a bit of Vicks VapoRub(tm) just under my nose to keep it clear. My brain turned the smell of Vicks and the feelings of post-nasal drip and snuffling into an onslaught of horrifying sensory sensations! Strap in, folks: this is gonna be a gross one. And I get to relive it all again, as I translate my sleepy 5 AM mumblings in my dream journal into full sentences for y'all. I have regrets. The dream started out innocently enough. I'd decided to interview for a job as a presenter on the Wizarding Wireless. Luna Lovegood, as owner of the Quibbler, was starting a new Wizarding Wireless station focused on bringing muggle music and news to the wizarding world. When I arrived for the interview, the first thing I noticed was that Luna had absolutely doused herself in cheap perfume. Imagine the smell of funnel cake, but the cheap dollar store (Poundland, I guess...this is a British dream after all) perfume version of that scent. She absolutely wreaked of fake sugar, and it was making my eyes water. But I really wanted the job, so I didn't say anything. She offered me a glass of pumpkin juice and a biscuit before the interview got started. The pumpkin juice was awful! It had a slimy, pulpy texture, and only a vague pumpkin taste. The best way I can describe it is as slightly fruity snot water. Did she mean an American biscuit or a British biscuit? I have no idea, because what she actually gave me was a cube about the size of my palm. The outside was the hardness and texture of biscotti, and it had a grid of chocolate chips imbedded into each side, with the points of the chips sticking up, making it weird and pointy and awkward to hold. Even if I'd wanted to dip it into the pumpkin juice I couldn't, because it was a cube! Biting into it, the outside was dry and crunchy like biscotti, but the center of the cube was an overly moist vanilla cake. I cannot describe to you how terrible this thing was. Terrible to hold, terrible to eat, and the mixed texture was also terrible. But I still wanted the job for some reason, so I forced it down with a smile. The interview finally began. But every time she asked me a question, she reached across the desk, put her hand over my mouth, then answered the question herself! Unfortunately, if that wasn't bad enough, she was also clumsy, and kept accidentally sticking part of her hand in my mouth instead of just covering it. She'd used some kind of lavender hand cream, and her skin was unpleasantly greasy and lavender flavoured. In an effort to get away from her, and actually answer one of the questions myself (why did I still want this job?) I began leaning away, slowly tipping my chair further and further back on two legs. Eventually, I tipped the chair back so far that I fell over with a crash! I landed on my bed, wide awake and enraged. I ranted angrily in my dream journal for a while, then got up and started my morning ablutions. It took me the entire length of my shower to stop being furious with Luna Lovegood. That was a heck of a way to start the day!